Living in a Sneeze
Aaahhhchoo!!!
We sneeze; we wipe; we move on; but, do we ever ponder just how awesome a sneeze is; what it is that’s tickling that nose lining, triggering those nasal nerve endings, or sparking a spastic nostril hemorrhage?
Most of us blame airborne allergens or cite seasonings as chief among the conspirators; yet, these unseen and misunderstood denizens of the nostrils depths do not act alone. Many forms of aeroplankton come to play in our snot-coated facial exhaust tubes. Microscopic critters, pungent aromas, temperature fluctuations, pain, and even the occasional self-induced anxiety attack can cause these oft’ unwanted nasal eruptions.
A single sneeze can travel over a hundred miles an hour, transporting air and saliva dependent plankton up to 150 feet away. The knee-jerk, society acceptable response to this God given method of plankton distribution is to stifle before launch or smother the lives of hundreds if not thousands of microorganisms in a sweaty pit or handkerchief. Imagine a soggy mattress crushing you as you left the house or garage for work!
So next time, before you reach for that box of fluffy aloe-saturated death, reach for the sky instead; nose raised in proud indifference of societal norms and spread the aeroplankton love.
More about ƒÜZzÿ…
The Aeroplankton Enthusiasts Society (and subsequently this blog) was founded by John M. Schwartzhoff (a.k.a Fuzzmaster) in the fall of 2010. The society was originally formed in response to a perceived decrease in societal enthusiasm for life and all the little, unseen, things that make it beautiful. This blog was created as a venue for enthusiasm and also as an exercise in blogging layout & template manipulation and was therefore crafted from as close to scratch as humanly possible using Notepad & Firefox.
Particularly Presumptuous
I know, I know, it’s particularly presumptuous of one to assume the title of master; after all, it takes an above-average degree of conceit to set oneself up as lord of anything (let alone all things fuzzy). An explanation is both required and forthcoming; so, let us first have a word or two on ƒÜZzÿ?
What? Me ƒÜZzÿ?
While the word “fuzzy” has several definitions, ranging from hairy to obscure, it is not over any of these I claim mastery. Nor do I promote the idea that I am obscure and hairy (perhaps a touch, here and there); rather, in this context “ƒÜZzÿ” is little more than an attempt at the English translation of my artistic signature:
I adopted this logo sometime during the years of trouble in order to maintain a satisfactory level of anonymity when publishing or displaying any of my artistic creations. The design is based heavily upon the runes from an obscure video game (any guesses?).
ƒÜZzÿ Origins
Strangely enough, “ƒÜZzÿ” was not an original interpretation of this logo; instead, it was an observer at an art show, wherein my artwork was on display, that first coined the term while viewing a particularly abstract piece. Overheard and thoroughly enjoyed, this translation simply… stuck, and I continued from that point on to refer to myself as ƒÜZzÿ. It was not until much later that I promoted myself to the title of ƒÜZzMaster; primarily to separate the artist from the art. Also, by this point, a friend had managed, by unintentional happenstance, to permanently embed my artistic signature into their flesh (tattoo).
No Offense, really
Given the definition and context, the offensiveness of my self-proclaimed title hopefully recedes. No, I do not claim mastery over all things fuzzy (This would truly be a feat) nor do I lord my title over all those in encounter (except, perhaps a certain unnamed friend with a bit of shoulder scarring); rather, I merely claim a fairly thorough understanding of that which I create, or have created.
Life Lost Calculator
For the quick & painful calculation of lost life when purchasing, viewing, or otherwise participating in or with an object or activity. Warning! The math and logic behind this calculator is convoluted at best:
Note: While the intent was for all the values to be in dollars and hours; it is certainly possible for other measures to be used so long as consistency is maintained and mental stability and retention are sufficient.
© 2026 Aeroplankton Enthusiasts Society, All rights reserved.